I got Bonnie after my Mum died by suicide and I myself became suicidal as well. I was in a psychiatric hospital when my partner went to choose her from a litter of puppies in Leicester back in April 2019. I wished I could have been a part of this joyful occasion but I was too unwell – struggling with sleepless nights and the most crippling anxiety since the loss of my Mum. However, I was discharged from the hospital after three weeks, and in May we picked our new puppy up and brought her home. We called her Bonnie. But I couldn’t bond with her my little Poochon and watched from the sidelines as my partner played with her, and showed her off to the neighbours. With all the self-hate I was carrying, I didn’t feel like I deserved such a beautiful baby. Also, she stood in the way of what I wanted to do. I began to resent her and feel that she was a mistake.
Luckily however our bond grew as time passed and my mental health began to improve. My suicidal impulse grew less and less. I had to stick around to look after Bonnie, and she made me smile. She’d cuddle up on my knee and I’d think to myself, that I can’t be that bad if such a beautiful angel wants to sit with me. The look in her eyes tells me how much she loves me every day.
Now our bond is stronger than ever. She goes everywhere with me and is like my little fluffy shadow! As an Autistic person, she is especially important as she calms my anxiety and is a source of endless comfort and fluffy cuddles! She is my little angel dog and I just want everyone to know how she helped me to feel my heart again ❤